UnNews:Donkey Kong opposes Iraqi Conflict
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Donkey Kong opposes Iraqi Conflict
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, September 1, 2016, 00:55:UTC)(
30 July 2006
CHIMPANZEE CAGE, London Zoo: The former president of the Democratic Republic of Congas, Sir Donkey "Barrel-Chucker" Kong was found writing anti-war messages with a stick in his own poop. The message he wrote read: "Saddam is not guilty, Mario is. Kill him instead!". Whether this is Mr. Kong's true feelings or not remains to be seen.
Diego "Super" Mario,VGCFRIMHS (Video Game Characters For ReIntroduction of Monkey-Hunting Season) later told our reporter that, "This-a chimp, he only wants-a to see me-a dead. He kid-a-napped my girlfriend, and took-a her away. I didn't beat-a him up that much, I only got an AS-a-BO." Mr. Mario then went on to say, "This is such a blatant-a assault on my dig-a-nity. It's-a horrifying!", before a-sobbing into his dinner of mushroom soup.