Dog Whisperer cologne breaks French sales records

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11 March 2007

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French surrender

French men line up for Dog Whisperer's cologne

PARIS, France -- Dominance™, the newly released fragrance by Dog Whisperer, Cesar Millan, has been flying off boutique shelves in Paris and elsewhere in this country, known around the world for its cowardice. The sales record was previously held by Paris Hilton for her perfume, Stupid Spoiled Cum Gargling Slut™.

Chirac white flag

Chirac fans himself with the official French flag after enjoying Cesar Millan's new perfume.

Former Kids in the Hall fifth wheel, Kevin McDonald, who has been exiled to France following his profanity-laden diatribe during a live performance as Pleakley on the Disney Channel show Lilo & Stitch, offered his perspective, "The French culture has evolved differently from the rest of the planet. They have this crazy obsession with slapstick humor and acts that most other nations find incredibly lame like Jerry Lewis, Pauly Shore, Carrot Top, Sinbad, Gallager, Bob Hope and Sean Hannity. Even I have a character from my Kids days called, Le Poopee, which has been universally panned, except here in France where I sell out to packed audiences every night."

When asked what this had to do with the Dog Whisperer's cologne, Le Poopee 'dit', "Nothing. I never get interviewed anymore. No one returns my calls. Can I come back to America now? It sucks being the only person in this country that has a sack."

French Minister of L'Arts, Rene Retreat 'parlez'ed, "We French, we do not like to fight. We like wine. Small breasted women. 'Et' le Crystal Pepsi."

When asked about the surprising success of Cesar Millan's 'eau de toilet bowl', Retreat ran away crying, "Je ma rendre! Je ma rendre!"

Marcel Marceau was reached for comment, but the fucking mime wouldn't talk, so the UnNews News team beat the everloving shit out of him.

Stupid mime!

Sources Edit

For those obsessed with so-called-experts, Wikipedia has an article about:
Cesar Millan.
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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.