UnNews:Doctors discover eating poop is not good
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Doctors discover eating poop is not good
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, August 28, 2015, 12:57:UTC)(
11 June 2010
The World, Earth -- Doctors have recently discovered that eating or consumption of poop is not good for your health. It damages your digestive tract and can result in poisoning. This can cause may physical and mental problems, such as mental retardation, butthole cramps, and many other diseases. Through many years of research, we have found links between eating poop and the zombie epidemic.
"Consuming poop, (aka crap, shit, dingleberries, caca, tootsie rolls, logs, turd, fiery poops, spaghetti poo, ghost poo, dung, the brown stuff that comes out of your butt) will put result in immediate fatality."
We now know that poop is bad for you, thanks to our late scientist Robert Smith (Harvard P.H.D.). He tasted poop for science and died the next day because he had no treatment. For those who have an uncontrollable urge to eat poop, a vaccine is being developed to help. The vaccine should be out by early 2420.
We strongly encourage you to stop buying poop or making your own, unstable poop. If we work together to stop the consumption of poop, the zombie apocalypse will be diverted alltogether.