UnNews:Doctors Now Issuing Fart Tests
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Doctors Now Issuing Fart Tests
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, June 25, 2016, 19:42:UTC)(
22 February 2012
The Doctors Office, U.S.A -- You go to doctor and sometimes they make you take a piss in a small plastic cup or stick a giant syringe in your arm and take out your blood. These tests are meant to help doctors identify everything about your body so that they can analyze the medical properties of your body and have an excuse to collect your piss and blood. But recently, doctors and scientist have discovered that farts are also of medical analysis.
"Farts tell a lot about the human body. For instance it can tell me, how much water you drink, what you ate, when you ate, your STDs, the last time you had anal sex, the chemical make-up of your ass, your intelligence, how long you spend on Uncyclopedia, just to name a few things," says Dr. Ima Faggot. This test gives doctors plenty of information that your urine and blood could never have told.
The test itself is very simple. You first pull your pants down. Then, the doctor opens and places a Fart Test Containment Bag (a.k.a a Ziploc bag) behind your ass and you are told to let it rip. There are some flaws with this test, one being that you don't have the urge to fart at the moment. Also, the doctor has to be fast to close the bag so that the fart doesn't escape. Another flaw is that you might feel uncomfortable sticking your ass in some guy's face.
A conspiracy theory has been brought up about this test. Hipsters and Stoners are convinced that all form of medical testing, whether it be urine, blood, or fart, is all just sexual fetishes by the doctors. This is currently under investigation.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|