UnNews:Doctor defends "legitimate rape" theory

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 18:45, January 14, 2013 by Mnbvcxz (talk | contribs)

(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to: navigation, search
This article is part of UnNews UnNews Logo Potato1 Your A.D.D. news outl — Oooh, look at the pictures!

13 January 2013

PregnantAsian

A woman almost definitely not impregnated by legitimate rape

Washington DC, USA -- Noted gynecologist Dr. Phil Gingrey, has defended former Republican representative Todd Akin's comment on legitimate rape.

"Rep. Akin's remarks weren't exactly accurate," said Dr. Gingrey, "However, they were not entirely wrong either. I have been working in OB-GYN for 37 years. In my experience, it appears as though high-stress situations discourage pregnancy. So, while pregnancy by rape, legitimate or otherwise, is possible, such an occurrence is quite rare."

Dr. Gingrey went on to say, "Using data from Ireland, there were 2036 sexual assaults in 2011, which supposed resulted in 90 pregnancies, 11 of which ended in miscarriages. In the same year, there were around 75,000 non-rape induced pregnancies that resulted in birth. Factoring in the miscarriage rate, about 99.9% of all pregnancies do not result from rape. Even that estimation probably over estimates the number of rape induced pregnancies, since women are known to make false rape accusations for a variety of reasons. This is especially true in cases of unwanted pregnancies."

"Pregnancy can only happen if a woman has ovulated in the past 12 hours. High stress situations, like legitimate rape, increase levels of adrenalin, which prevents ovulation. In fact, I suggest that women with fertility problems drink some wine before attempting to conceive in order to reduce stress levels. Obviously, they shouldn't drink enough, to induce fetal alcohol syndrome, but enough to calm down. I normally suggest a 'buzzed but not drunk' level of alcohol consumption before trying to conceive," said Dr. Gingrey.

Dr. Gingrey, who also happens to a Republican congressman for the state of Georgia, went on to explain what "legitimate" rape means. ""Legitimate" rape is the medical term for what laymen call 'rape-rape.' For example, when Roman Polanski had sexual intercourse with a 13 year old, although he committed rape in the eyes of the law, from a medical perspective, it was a question of 'if there's grass on the pitch, play ball', as Whoopi Goldberg has pointed out."

edit Sources

Personal tools
projects