UnNews:Doctor Who denies the existence of burgers; Americans in famine
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Doctor Who denies the existence of burgers; Americans in famine
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, February 27, 2017, 09:13:UTC)(
31 May 2007
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THE TARDIS, Somewhere, Sometime, Second floor (rear) -- Famous cardiologist Dr. Who has today denied that burgers never technically existed. According to a very unhappy vogon, burgers were really extremely tasty mice in disguise. During a time traveling field trip by the Delphi School in Schmilton, Massachusetts, some evil students edited the past to delete Ham Burger's existence as a prank; consequently destroying almost all evidence of burgers. This has sent America into shock; so far over 30,00 people have been needlessly and brutally killed by hunger.
The FBI have decided to arrest every person who has knowledge of the school and is hoping the problems will resolve after the death of Slobodan Milosevic. However, non-huffable kittens are winking in and out of existence, countering the burgers equilibrium in America. This has not caused any actual injury, but in theory it will prevent further economic collapse triggered by pervert shortages.
Ponderous illusions of Inca dog bark have toppled other smug have caused hundreds of beatific dabblers of the pineal arts to swarm around Yohimbi bark, hand-caught from Yohimbi dogs in the kneehills of the Serengeti.