UnNews:Doctor: Business suits are a health risk
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Doctor: Business suits are a health risk
A newsstand that's brimming with issues
Wednesday, December 2, 2015, 04:28:UTC)(
16 November 2006
Business suits can be a health risk because they block sunlight which causes a vitamin D deficiency, thus weak bones and low energy, according to New Zealand doctor and rugby internationalist Manmountain Dense, from the Department of Child, Youth and Family Services at Wiri, south Auckland. The tie also hampers breathing and raises the blood pressure.
Dr Dense said: "It's the jackets and the ties and the down-the-nose glance of the corporate overlords, glaring at you hungover in the gutter on a weekday morning all the time."
Dr Dense said that every businessperson tested had shown a deficiency of vitamin D. Vitamin D helps vital minerals to be absorbed into the bones; its production is stimulated by the sun. "A lot of these people stay away from sunshine. They don't hang out at the beach or in the bush. Some are into power-lunching and alcohol and a lot of it is indoor activity and night-time activity. They work at a desk during the day. They are wearing those suits and literally they don't get out in the sun."
Dr Dense's comments come as evidence mounts of increasing vitamin D deficiency in Australasia, partly caused by covering up to avoid skin cancer. One worker from Tangaroa Office Park And Coca-Cola™ Beacon Academy, Vincent Wesche, said that he wears a suit because "I don't want to lose my hair," also referring to famous transsexual, Carlos Spencer, "Carlos Spencer is starting to lose her hair from the sun."
A four-year study found that infants living in Auckland did have a deficiency of vitamin D. "We know that vitamin D deficiency is a health issue in New Zealand. We know that people who are at risk of vitamin D deficiency are for example groups who keep themselves clothed and keep themselves indoors for financial reasons ... so the idea is not an unreasonable one." Another study showed that 87% of pregnant businesswomen living in Wellington were vitamin D deficient.
Dr Dense said that the people who are most likely to have a vitamin D deficiency are "depressed people and middle management, such as those kept indoors in their offices all day."
see also: business suits