UnNews:Disney buys Santa Claus
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Disney buys Santa Claus
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, January 21, 2017, 15:57:UTC)(
22 December 2006
Disney buys Santa Claus(tm)A man sporting a great white beard was arrested this week for infringement of a Disney license while walking around Disneyworld. He went through three hours of intensive questioning by the Disney Anti-Licence Infringement Guard and was later released with a caution.
This was the result of a bold move by Disney to acquire one of the best known seasonal figures of the Western world. Santa Claus(tm) is the latest purchase in a long list of mythical celebrities, with amonst them the Pope(tm), the Things That Go Bump In The Dark(tm) and St Nicolas(tm). Impersonating a Disney character is usually punishable by the Death Penalty, but Disney's Arch-Lawyer, Herr Todd-Himler Von Goering declared that: "... due to the special festive quality of this particular time of the year, and due to the fact that there wasn't really an empty slot in our busy Holiday celebrations timetable here at Disneyworld to organize a proper live broadcast of the Death Penalty being delt, we just asked this guy, his children and his children's children never to set foot to Disneyworld again. Oh, and he's got two days to shave this long white beard of his".
Disney announced earlier this year their intention of buying off Christmas completely and disclosed that they were investing billions of dollars into anti-fraud devices such as tagged wrapping paper and GPS red flashing head bands. Disney is already the rightful owner of Yuletide(tm), Thanskgiving(tm) and Birthdays(tm) and spend an average of 300 Billions Dollars a year in Copyright Control Squads, cattle prods and black vans. Disney also has shares in the Guantanamo Bay facilitites. Reliable financial sources claim that Disney is also soon to make a bid for the Asian market with purchasing orders for Mazel-Tov, Diwali and the Chinese New Year.