UnNews:Disney buy Buckingham Palace
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Disney buy Buckingham Palace
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, April 24, 2017, 03:48:UTC)(
29 January 2014
LONDON, United Kingdom -- The American entertainment giant Walt Disney Corporation have announced they have purchased Buckingham Palace from the financially bankrupt House of Windsor and will turn it into the 'biggest fun ride north of Paris'.
Following news that the House of Windsor was insolvent and in need of state help, Disney moved in and 'snaffle pussed' the London office of the family that have ruled England since they seized the property under the guise of the First World War from the German-owned House of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha. The deal is said to be worth billions and will make Buckingham Palace a new regular stop for tourists anxious to have a bit of royalty rub off on them.
"It is an outstanding deal," said London Mayor Boris Johnson. "Let's face it chaps, the House of Windsor have had a good run at this royalty business but in a competitive world, nothing should be kept on a shelf and preserved by the tax payers. If Disney make a balls-up, well then, I am sure the House of Saud will like this place too. I feel sorry for Kate and William but they are young enough and I am sure they will find their services snapped up by other companies. In fact I wouldn't mind seeing Kate dressed up as Snow White..."
The new tenants of Buckingham Palace — King Mickey and Queen Minnie Mouse — said they are looking forward to moving in and giving the whole a place a modern/retro look. They will also install rides and fun fairs in Buckingham Palace gardens to attract younger visitors. Everyone agrees it is a good deal for Disney, its shareholders, Wall Street and the ghost of Steve Jobs. The House of Windsor will still retain their other prime assets like Windsor Castle and Balmoral Castle, but experts say Disney could easily bid for those too if they come onto the market.
Disney added that they hoped to add local talent to help give an essence that the attraction is still in Britain. Therefore, Goofy will be costumed by Labour leader Ed Miliband. Pluto is available for British Prime Minister David Cameron whilst Donald 'I don't give a Flying' Duck is likely to be awarded to UKIP leader Nigel Farage. Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg will be recycled as Pinocchio.