UnNews:Did someone use the "N-word"?
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
Did someone use the "N-word"?
Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard
Wednesday, June 29, 2016, 13:52:UTC)(
13 April 2010
On March 20, at the height of the debate over President Obama's health care bill, congressmen John Lewis, Andre Carson and Emanuel Cleaver, all of them black as the Ace of Spades, joined hands and marched through the middle of an anti-Obama protest at the Capitol, most of whom, according to the congressmen, were wearing sheets and carrying burning torches. All say they were called the n-word. Rep. Heath Shuler, who is white, says he heard it too. This is conclusive, because congressmen never rise to the defense of a colleague who is in the wrong. (Except Bart Stupak, and he has mysteriously decided to retire.)
In the United States, demeaning terms such as Shorty or Baldy spice up conversation and please crowds. In contrast, use of demeaning terms for Negroes (or a certain term to remind voters that Rep. Barney Frank had a gay whorehouse in his Washington apartment) traumatizes the victim so much that they all underperform economically, requiring decades of remedial federal programs. Journalistic ethics precludes all news sources from even specifying what word everyone is talking about.
"Listen, I was there," says Carson (D-IN). "I hear that word all the time, on the floor of Congress, in crowds of pedestrians, from my wife. Every morning, my alarm clock wakes me by calling me that word." Rep. Carson would not say what word he was referring to.
But the shouts cannot be heard on any of the numerous videos that captured the event, and blogger Andrew Breitbart has now offered to donate $100,000 to the United N-word College Fund if proof can be found.
However, UnNews has analyzed all the videos and concluded that one reason they may not have captured the utterance is that there are no people in them, nor the Capitol. Indeed none of the videos is of a political protest at all. There are plenty of waterfowl, and no one claims that waterfowl utter the n-word. Except Rep. Carson.