UnNews:Dick Cheney and Colin Powell feud escalates
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Dick Cheney and Colin Powell feud escalates
We distort, you deride
Saturday, June 25, 2016, 03:39:UTC)(
31 August 2011
Washington, DC, United States -- Much of the press coverage of Vice President Cheney’s new memoir, “In My Time,” has centered on a feud between the former Vice President and Colin Powell, the former Secretary of State, professional golfer, and infamous Segway pilot.
The two men worked together in Republican administrations for decades, but have split over the Iraq War, the War in Afghanistan, and other stuff during the Bush administration. “His damn segway kept clogging up the freaking hallway, every SINGLE FUCKING day!” Cheney writes of Powell in the book.
That meant they weren’t friendly, or that Cheney was trying to pick a fight with Powell, according Neil Patel, former Sr. Advisor to Cheney, who since went on to found the news site The Daily Caller, a site featuring Obama, that one black statue, and other political figures of semi-importance.
“I think he was meaning to pick a fight. I think he was definitively meaning to tell his side of the story and that’s what he did. And I’d imagine that he would know that it would provoke a reaction from Secretary Powell and others, but I think his main goal in writing this book was to pick fights,” Patel told ABC News’ Bottom Line political program.
Patel, a former boot licker, could not speak about the internal debates ahead of the Iraq war, but he said “They were obviously fighting. You could hear them shouting and launching nukes from their secret offices to small countries like Belgium, China, and Gondor to cool off from strain of arguing."
“They have a long working relationship. Their families are close. They were close personally, and I remember in the middle of it all when there were major debates, and Powell comes along with a segway, equipped with machine guns, lasers, and a heart defibrillator, because in the Bush Administration, much of the debating was involved in full-on gunfights. ”
Patel pointed to a USA Today interview where Cheney, asked what he wants his epitaph to read, said “FUCK YOU POWELL! AND YOUR STUPID SEGWAY! I thought Condoleezza Rice gutted your defibrillator with a Colt .44! Also O.J. was guilty.”
Patel said he doubts Cheney will take sides in the upcoming Republican presidential primary, but will be active in the general election to defeat President Obama. “There are certainly nuances between them,” Patel said of the Republican field. “But by and large, they’re all Republicans. When you get down to them versus Barack Obama, they let their differences aside, because they need Powell's closet, which happens to hold tons of secret weapons, including his 200 segways, to defeat Obama in the coming 'debates,' if you catch my drift.“
- Z. Bryon Wolf "The Feud, Dick Cheney's Humor and Colin Powell on a Segway in the West Wing". ABC News, August 31, 2011