UnNews:Diagnosticians turn attention to undiagnosable diseases

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12 July 2014

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BOSTON, Massachusetts -- Doctors have made a startling discovery. Some people are seemingly, to all intents and purposes, pretty healthy, sort of. And now doctors want to know how and why.

Doctors think they may have stumbled on to a possible Undiagnosable Disease Syndrome. So now every hospital will expand its mission to include Institutes of Inpatient Investigation for Undiagnosable Disease Syndrome. The new facilities will collect data to report to a new National Center for Undiagnosable Disease. At each hospital, up to 50 healthy people will be required to undergo rigorous medical testing for one week each year for four years.

"These centers will focus on the rarest of the rare disorders — most often those that affect fewer than 50 people in the entire world, in the entire history of the world, even counting all the foreign people, and all the dead people” Dr. Newbie Green, Chief Medical Director of Mass Gen's new facility, told UnNEWS. “They are so rare that they may never have been discovered or doctors may never have encountered them. In fact, they may or may not even exist. But we are going to hunt down whatever Undiagnosable Disease Syndrome is causing these people to have the problem these people have, whatever it is, even if they lack all symptomatic consequence."

Dr. Newbie Green also disclosed that "Given the new, improved medical care services we are bringing, we look forward to delivering world-beating scientific compassion."

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