UnNews:Detroit prepares for annual Burning Town festival
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Detroit prepares for annual Burning Town festival
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, August 5, 2015, 05:33:UTC)(
28 October 2006
DETROIT, Michigan -- The city is buzzing with electrifying excitement this weekend as citizens and visitors alike prepare for the annual Burning Town festival held in Detroit. The festival, a celebration of community and arson, is held every year around Halloween and is sponsored by local businesses and the Latin Counts. Activities include live music, performance art, and, the most anticipated event of all, the torching of the entire city.
"This event is an excellent opportunity for everyone to see what it really means to live in Detroit," says astronaut and mayor Kwame Kilpatrick. Sir Mayor Kilpatrick has been an active volunteer and organizer for this event for the past five years. "As the city has given me admiration and respect, so shall I return it through my court mandated community service."
As jugglers and clowns perform around the kids' craft booths and face stabbing tents, musicians entertain the masses with a unique mix of hip hop and Irish folk music. The family friendly event has something for both children and adults. A local merchant notes "People can take their little shitheads over to those tents and leave 'em there and then go get some forties and see me for a couple ounces. What you need, man?"
The burning this year will begin at Woodward and Adams, and planes will fly over the city, dumping gasoline to fuel the continuing party. Mayor Major Kilpatrick says "Be sure to get a good seat. Viewing room is limited."
Last year's event saw a performance by Insane Clown Posse. The free concert lasted over seven hours. There were no survivors.
- Dr. Fruhmanburger, Ignacius "Taxonomy and Habitat of the North American Juggalo". Random BS House Publishing Co., Octember 32, 2003
- Rev. Dr. Ron Popeil, Esq. "Burning Town - A Survival Guide". Pointless Brochures of Boulder, Colorado, Inc., January 01, 1970