UnNews:Derrick Rose shocks everybody with injury-free game

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Derrick Rose shocks everybody with injury-free game

Straight talk, from straight faces

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Thursday, March 22, 2018, 16:12:59 (UTC)

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8 April 2015

D Rose

Derrick Rose, doing what he does best

ORLANDO, Florida -- Fans of the Chicago Bulls and the Orlando Magic, as well as literally everybody else, were in utter shock after witnessing an injury-free performance from so-called "All-Star" point guard Derrick Rose. Rose, who has never played a single game of basketball in his life at any level whatsoever due to injury after injury, played in the starting lineup tonight, achieving a dumbfounding injury-free performance.

"This day will be remembered forever as the day Derrick Rose did not break one of the few things left in his body unbroken," said all Chicago Bulls fans, Orlando Magic Fans and all of humanity in unison.

Rose expressed anger on realizing that he actually has to run and jump to earn the millions of dollars he has worked so hard for on the sidelines from now on.

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