UnNews:Democrats admit they love terror
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Democrats admit they love terror
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, January 20, 2017, 12:21:UTC)(
3 November 2006
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
Problems playing this file? You might be a dope.
WASHINGTOWN - Democratic candidates and other leading members of the Democratic party responded today to President Bush's claim that they are "soft on terror" by admitting that they are not only soft, but that they actually are hard for terror, and in fact love terror and terrorists in all forms.
"We think terror is great," said Democratic leader, Eddie Kennedy (D-Mass). "Terror is one of the cornerstones of our strong economy and great way of life, and if you're not pro-terror, you're anti-American, simple as that."
Democratic candidates running for tight races in key states agree with Kennedy's assessment. Terror, they point out, fuels our national defense industries, which employ millions of people nationwide while many traditional private business continue to cut back and fire employees.
Terror also keeps many full-time cable news channels in business, which would otherwise have to rely on celebrity trials or missing white chick stories to maintain viewership and boost ad revenues.
"I'd like to remind voters that the United States was built on such terrorist acts as the Boston Tea Party and dropping atomic bombs on Japanese civilians in 1945," said Carson Wiley, Democratic candidate for Governor in South Dakota. "It's written right in our Constitution that when the people suffer under a tyrannical government, they have the right to get rid of it. So forgive me if I'm the kind of American who believes in the Constitution."
Republican mouthpieces such as radio commentator Charles Lindbergh, claim Democrats consistently voted against funding such terrorists as Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden during the Reagan/Bush years, while Republicans gave them full support and bilions of dollars in funding.
Democrats are calling this "revisionist history," and point to an almost total lack of response to terrorist incidents during the Clinton Administration as proof they are the party that loves terror the most.
A recent Zogby Poll indicated that in close congressional races around the country, people want to hear more about Jennifer Aniston's love life, and lurid details about homosexual wrongdoing, and less about conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan, which are boring.