UnNews:Democracy finally coming to the USA?

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 20:13, October 31, 2012 by GlobalTourniquet (talk | contribs)

Jump to: navigation, search
This article is part of UnNews UnNews Logo Potato1 We distort, you deride

31 October 2012

United-States-Constitution

Democracy. At last.

“Democracy is the worst form of government, except for all the others”

WASHINGTON, DC -- The most extraordinary thing ever to happen to the great nation of the United States of America occurred last night, when by way of a new Amendment to the Constitution, real democratic reform was actually achieved, giving hope for a better society to all the American people.

The new 28th Amendment, ratified last night, was labelled the "True Democracy Amendment". Among its provisions are campaign finance reform, elimination of the electoral college, and disbandment of the politcal party system. All campaigns for public office will be publically funded at the level of the office in question, with the funds distributed according to strict ballot appearance requirements that ensure equal access. Personal wealth and contributions from special interests are removed from the process entirely. Elections will be decided on a simple majority basis, and all votes will be represented in the final tally. The practice of "electors" that by the power of a party machine necessarily fall into party line has been stopped.

The amendment illegalizes political parties across the nation, requiring voters to study the candidates and the issues and make an informed vote rather than just vote for a mindless homogenous conglomerate with at best some vague, largely untenable platform behind it. It also requires public office holders to strike a workable balance between representing their constituencies and finding areas of compromise so that good policy might prevail. Candidates for office are forbidden by the amendment to attack the personal lives of their opponents, and for attacks on an opponent's character it will be required that the accusation specifically identifies how the described character flaw affects real policy rather than just voters' emotions.

Across the country the excitement started to build last night as people began to grasp what this truly means - that after nearly 250 long years of experimentation and frankly, failure, we will finally have real democracy in this country - a real chance to see public policy moving forward instead of stagnating under the suffocation of partisan deadlock, politcal pandering and the ugly influence of moneyed interests.

Then I woke up, and realized nothing had actually changed.

I wept.


Sources


Personal tools
projects