UnNews:Dell defends cat-urine smell of its laptops

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1 November 2013

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A cat named Jerry is strangled by a Dell laptop owner who didn't give his real name, following a false accusation of incontinence.

ROUND ROCK, Texas -- Dell Computer, Inc., announced plans to mollify customers complaining that the new Latitude 6430u laptops smell like cat urine.

The machines incorporate a smell generator in addition to the sound synthesizer and high-definition screen common to all laptops. Company spokesman David Frink said that the cat-urine smell was an unintended side-effect of code written by a Dell engineer who owns thirty cats and a few chickens, something that is pretty common on dairy farms near Round Rock.

But customers are not satisfied with the explanation. One, writing under the name "passflips", said he incurred veterinary bills on his elderly cat Jerry, and felt terrible for repeatedly scolding him. Dell had offered to give the customer a large bag of the new, scent-absorbing Kitty Litter, but "passflips" said he is suing for pain and suffering as well. Dell's earlier suggestions, that users clean their keyboards with a soft cloth or compressed air or perhaps open a window, were also ineffective, as such remedies usually are against the smell of cat urine.

The laptops in question are ultrabooks with Windows 8 and Intel® Core i5 processors, selling for between $900 and $1,300. They are designed for gamers, for whom the smell generator enhances realism. For example, on a power-dive of a jet fighter, the gamer can smell the pilot soiling himself.

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The spokesman said that cat urine is not undesirable when describing a wine's aroma. Engineers are working on "Smell-o-Vision" TV that will enable viewers to smell cat urine when watching a reality program on the Kardashians. And the Scentee, a Japanese smartphone attachment that plugs into a phone's earphone jack, lets trendy Japanese girls smell like cat urine while out on shopping trips.

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