UnNews:Deer left traumatised after incident in supermarket
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.
27 December 2010
BOULDER, Colorado -- Following a harrowing incident in a local supermarket, a local deer has revealed that finding himself trapped inside the shop and subsequently captured was "the most horrific two days of my life".
The deer, a Firestone native, was left traumatized after wandering into a 24-hour supermarket during the early hours of the morning and discovering that the automatic sliding doors would only open for him one-way, and that subsequently, after entering, he could not leave.
As free wildlife, the animal found it incredibly difficult to control himself after he realized he was held captive by the automated technology, at which point he became successively more panicked until the crashing and clattering finally forced store employees to terminate their graveyard shift naps and call law enforcement, who arrived at the scene shortly. After a brief struggle, officers managed to subdue the deer and remove him from the premises.
"It was bad enough being trapped in that cold industrial place," the deer told reporters. "I couldn't stop crying as I charged around searching for an exit, and when the police showed up and tried to grapple me, I just lost it. I haven't been the same since.
What I went through was such a crushingly awful thing to even think about. Now I keep reliving the experience, and I still feel ill from the sedatives they gave me after wrestling me to the ground."
Once the deer was sedated, law enforcement held him until the next day, when they released him back into the wild.
The deer says he is considering suing for the trauma, both from time in the supermarket as well as from his capture and containment prior to release in Southside Park the next day, but has made nothing official. He said: "I've thought about it a lot, and it really was a very powerful and daunting experience. It would have been nice if they could have at least dropped me off by Firestone, instead of over here, since that's where I live."
- Sarah Bull "EastEnders star Samantha Womack left traumatised after filming harrowing cot death scenes". dailymail, 23rd December 2010