UnNews:Declassified UFO files reveal new finding
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Declassified UFO files reveal new finding
Where man always bites dog
Friday, September 30, 2016, 05:05:UTC)(
23 March 2009
BRITAIN, England -- New documents released by the United Kingdom Ministry of Defence (MOD), in line with an official decision to make previously-confidential information held by the Government on UFO sightings available to all interested parties, have just been published. Covering a period between 1987 and 1993, they form the third set of documents to have been released under the Freedom of Information act which states that any information deemed not "essential to the security of the nation" must be placed within the public sphere.
One file reveals how a woman from Norwich - chav stronghold and county town of rural backwater Norfolk - claimed she met "a man who said he came from a different planet." The man, described as having long hair and seeming a little confused, was also heard to mutter something about "having acid in his bloodstream," leading the presumably somewhat unintelligent woman to believe that he may have been of a species related to the H.R. Giger-designed alien from the film of the same name. The woman also said that she later observed a "roughly cylindrical object float into the sky above the city," which researchers have claimed may be proof that an unknown Norwich child accidentally let go of its helium-filled balloon shortly before the sighting.
The file contains a document recounting the tale of a "terrified" woman from Bury St. Edmunds who phoned Suffolk police in 1989 after she met a tall, blonde man with a Scandinavian-type accent who told her that the purpose of his visit was friendly while walking her dog across a field. Several other people - including six members of the Kiruna-Bury St.Edmunds City Fellowship Scheme who were visiting the area on a friendship mission prior to the Swedish town and Suffolk city's proposed twinning, but nobody else noticed anything untoward.
In 1990, several Tornado pilots on any early morning routine training mission from RAF Rothenberg in Germany - a base made infamous shortly afterwards after a series of scandals revealed that marijuana is both widely available and consumed in the British armed forces - claimed to have seen "a triangular, black craft" which was at first explained as an unknown Russian spyplane, due to the fact that the then-top secret Stealth fighter was being tested in the area.
UFO researcher Tim de Bunker, of Oxford University, has studied the documents closely. "There have been a lot of detractors for a long time," he told us, speaking exclusively to UnNews from his Oxfordhire home. "But these documents are beyond any reproach - these are the real thing, investigated by the police and the military, which have until now been given top secret status enshrined by law. Now that we can study them they reveal once and for all - people talk a load of bollocks."