UnNews:Death sues life
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Death sues life
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, September 30, 2016, 11:47:UTC)(
7 March 2010
DELHI, India -- UnNews was just informed that a legal case which has been pending in India for over one million years, is finally set to be heard by India’s Supreme Court. The Case, “Death vs. Life” is based on the myth of one bad Brahmin named Ajamila, a sinful man, who was set to be taken away by Death (Plaintiff), whose mission was frustrated by Life (Defendant).
The myth originates from the Sanskrit Bhagavat Purana, which recounts the story thus:
Ajamila was raised as a pure Brahmin and had a chaste and beautiful wife. But one day, while he was collecting flowers for worship, he saw a drunken prostitute engaged in kinky sex with a lusty man. Ajamila got a boner; his mind became attached to the prostitute. Consequently he killed the poor “John” and took this slut into his home as a Chambermaid.
Inevitably, he abandoned his family and went off with the prostitute. Due to his connection with the slut, he lost all his good qualities. He became a thief, a liar, a drunkard, a murderer, and even a Uncyclopedian. He completely forgot about his original training as a Brahmin, and his whole life was ruined.
Ajamila begot many children through the prostitute; the youngest son whose name was Narayana (‘God’ in Sanskrit) was his favorite. At the end of his life while he was dying Ajamila began to call his son “Narayana!"
At that time Death appeared, to take Ajamila. BUT, at the same time, because he had uttered the holy name of “Narayana!”, Life, also arrived there, and forcefully stopped Death from taking Ajamila for punishment.
Death was irate! After a brief argument with Life, Death left in a huff. He then filed this case, citing ‘Obstruction of Justice’. As is normal in the Indian legal system the case took over one million years to reach the Supreme Court, and soon a judgment will be reached within the next several hundred years.
As usual, UnNews will inform you of the verdict. Don’t hold your breath!
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|