UnNews:Dean Hurricane threatens rowdy frat boys in Cancun
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Dean Hurricane threatens rowdy frat boys in Cancun
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, August 27, 2016, 11:58:UTC)(
21 August 2007
Cancun, MEXICO -- Dean Hurricane, notorious headmaster of State College, is threatening to discipline rowdy frat boys even while they are out on vacation. The dean, still furious over some pranks the brothers of Kappa Delta Rho pulled on him last year, vowed to take revenge this summer. "Up till now the summer has been pretty calm," said one scared college boy, "we thought we would get away without Mr. Hurricane coming at all, but we were wrong!" Earlier in the season, the boys scoffed at predictions that Dean Hurricane would be "more active than normal."
The boys are vacationing far away from their American college, but the clever dean somehow managed to track them down in Yucatan's resort town of Cancun. The boys now fear for their lives after they heard what Dean Hurricane did to their pals vacationing in Jamaica. "My bro Joey was up on the island scoring some sweet pot, when suddenly Dean Hurricane came blowing into town," explained junior Matt Grimwald. "He totally put out their smoke pipes with some flood waters! What a jerk!", Matt added.
Hearing about Dean Hurricane's imminent arrival, many students quickly fled the Yucatan to go back to the States and catch up on their summer reading. But senior Dave Meeks decided to stay behind, which reportedly infuriated Dean Hurricane even more. "On an anger scale of 1 to 5, I would say Mr. Hurricane is definitely a 5 right now," grimly admitted Dave. But he and his college buddies are confident they can withstand the dean's wrath. The students used planks to block windows and other entrances to the beach house they are renting, and they even bought flashlights and batteries in case the clever Dean Hurricane manages to cut off their power supply.
Asked for comment, the dean said he will pursue the rowdy frat boys "all across the Mexican mainland if I have to!" The boys predict though that their headmaster's strength will dissipate once he begins traveling across the rough Mexican terrain. Now his anger has dropped to category 3 on his scale between 1-5.
It is little known that Hurricane Dean started life as a small gust of wind in an American Air Force base in Kuwait in 1984. The gust gathered strength in 1986 during the filimg of The Incredible Hulk TV series when Bill Bixby fell out of his trailer. It then took a gap year in Thailand and helped to build some walls before finally deciding on a career in the hurricane trade, reaching it's peak in 2007. It is expected to return in 2017, only with more cats in tow this time.