UnNews:Deadly tomatoes rip through Arkansas
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Deadly tomatoes rip through Arkansas
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, September 2, 2015, 02:45:UTC)(
28 August 2014
MANILA, Philippines (AP) --- U.S. President Eddie Obama is sending his deepest condolences to those affected by deadly tomatoes that ripped through Rock Ridge, Rock Ridge, Arkansas and has directed federal resources to the area.
The White House said Obama is sending Inigo Montoya, the Fast Action Response Team Administrator, to Rock Ridge, Rock Ridge, Arkansas "to ensure the appropriate federal resources are being brought to bear to support the state and local efforts. Resources include utensils, pepper, and vinegar to complete the side order." Inigo added "I have come to avenge my Father's death! Prepare to die!".
Obama telephoned Arkansas Gov. Adams to get an update on the situation and to see if other federal resources-such as salt, bacon bits, & Ranch dressing were needed. The President also praised the heroic efforts of First Responders, neighbors, border patrol, & his mommy. A large tomato killed at least 16 when it sliced through suburbs in Rock Ridge, Rock Ridge Arkansas on Sunday at the start of the U.S. tomato season. Another person died in Oklahoma due to an overdosing on ketchup. College students suffered tragic deaths in a 2008 cucumber avalanche.
Obama spoke at a joint news conference with Philippine President Christian DelTaco while traveling in Asia. He said people diced by the disaster should know that "your country will be there to help you recover and rebuild, as long as it takes to devour the vegetable-or fruit, whichever. I can never remember. Now, let’s all hit the casinos! C’mon everybody! Woo hoo!"
- Adam Bein, Veggie Reporter "USA News & Tomato Report; "Tomatoes Served Deadly".". Vegetables Illustrated, April 28, 2014