UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  2. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  3. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  4. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  5. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  6. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  7. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  8. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  9. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  10. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  11. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  12. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  13. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  14. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  15. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  16. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  17. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  18. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  19. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  20. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  21. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  22. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  23. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  24. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  25. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  26. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  27. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  28. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  29. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  30. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  31. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  32. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  33. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  34. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  35. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  36. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  37. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  38. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  39. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  40. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  41. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate virtually
  42. To ejaculate a cadaver, is to ejaculate {{adv})
  43. Avril Lavigne is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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