UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  2. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  3. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  4. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  5. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  6. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  7. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  8. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  9. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  10. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  11. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  12. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  13. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  14. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  15. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  16. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  17. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  18. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  19. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  20. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  21. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  22. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  23. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  24. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  25. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  26. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  27. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  28. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  29. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  30. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  31. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  32. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  33. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  34. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  35. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  36. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  37. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  38. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  39. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  40. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  41. To detect an etching, is to detect haphazardly
  42. To detect an etching, is to detect {{adv})
  43. Leonard Bernstein is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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