UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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This article is part of UnNews UnNews Logo Potato1 Straight talk, from straight faces

17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  2. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  3. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  4. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  5. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  6. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  7. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  8. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  9. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  10. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  11. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  12. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  13. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  14. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  15. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  16. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  17. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  18. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  19. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  20. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  21. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  22. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  23. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  24. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  25. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  26. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  27. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  28. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  29. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  30. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  31. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  32. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  33. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  34. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  35. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  36. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  37. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  38. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  39. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  40. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  41. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy hatefully
  42. To putrefy a nuclear reactor, is to putrefy {{adv})
  43. Courtney Love is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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