UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

Straight talk, from straight faces

UnNews Logo Potato
Thursday, February 23, 2017, 09:31:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  2. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  3. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  4. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  5. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  6. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  7. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  8. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  9. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  10. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  11. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  12. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  13. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  14. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  15. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  16. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  17. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  18. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  19. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  20. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  21. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  22. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  23. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  24. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  25. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  26. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  27. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  28. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  29. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  30. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  31. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  32. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  33. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  34. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  35. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  36. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  37. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  38. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  39. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  40. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  41. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy audaciously
  42. To putrefy a tomato, is to putrefy {{adv})
  43. Sun Tzu is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

Personal tools
projects