UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  2. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  3. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  4. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  5. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  6. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  7. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  8. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  9. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  10. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  11. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  12. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  13. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  14. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  15. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  16. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  17. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  18. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  19. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  20. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  21. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  22. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  23. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  24. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  25. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  26. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  27. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  28. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  29. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  30. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  31. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  32. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  33. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  34. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  35. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  36. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  37. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  38. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  39. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  40. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  41. To write a classified document, is to write exuberantly
  42. To write a classified document, is to write {{adv})
  43. Spongebob is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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