UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

Truth doesn't "live here" — It's just camping out

UnNews Logo Potato
Monday, August 29, 2016, 23:39:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  2. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  3. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  4. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  5. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  6. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  7. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  8. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  9. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  10. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  11. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  12. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  13. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  14. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  15. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  16. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  17. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  18. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  19. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  20. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  21. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  22. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  23. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  24. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  25. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  26. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  27. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  28. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  29. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  30. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  31. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  32. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  33. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  34. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  35. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  36. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  37. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  38. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  39. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  40. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  41. To rape a cat, is to rape heartlessly
  42. To rape a cat, is to rape {{adv})
  43. Osama bin Laden is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

Personal tools
projects