UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  2. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  3. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  4. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  5. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  6. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  7. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  8. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  9. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  10. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  11. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  12. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  13. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  14. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  15. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  16. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  17. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  18. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  19. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  20. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  21. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  22. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  23. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  24. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  25. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  26. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  27. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  28. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  29. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  30. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  31. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  32. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  33. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  34. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  35. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  36. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  37. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  38. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  39. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  40. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  41. To refill a stapler, is to refill rhythmically
  42. To refill a stapler, is to refill {{adv})
  43. Elisha Cuthbert is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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