UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  2. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  3. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  4. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  5. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  6. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  7. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  8. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  9. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  10. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  11. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  12. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  13. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  14. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  15. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  16. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  17. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  18. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  19. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  20. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  21. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  22. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  23. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  24. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  25. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  26. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  27. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  28. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  29. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  30. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  31. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  32. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  33. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  34. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  35. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  36. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  37. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  38. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  39. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  40. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  41. To veto a tomato, is to veto explosively
  42. To veto a tomato, is to veto {{adv})
  43. Bart Simpson is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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