UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  2. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  3. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  4. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  5. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  6. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  7. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  8. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  9. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  10. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  11. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  12. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  13. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  14. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  15. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  16. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  17. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  18. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  19. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  20. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  21. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  22. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  23. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  24. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  25. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  26. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  27. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  28. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  29. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  30. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  31. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  32. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  33. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  34. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  35. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  36. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  37. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  38. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  39. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  40. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  41. To hack a homology, is to hack fretfully
  42. To hack a homology, is to hack {{adv})
  43. Queen Elizabeth I is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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