UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  2. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  3. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  4. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  5. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  6. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  7. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  8. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  9. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  10. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  11. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  12. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  13. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  14. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  15. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  16. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  17. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  18. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  19. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  20. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  21. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  22. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  23. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  24. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  25. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  26. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  27. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  28. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  29. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  30. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  31. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  32. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  33. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  34. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  35. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  36. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  37. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  38. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  39. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  40. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  41. To sell a tomato, is to sell continuously
  42. To sell a tomato, is to sell {{adv})
  43. Hulk Hogan is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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