UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  2. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  3. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  4. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  5. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  6. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  7. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  8. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  9. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  10. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  11. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  12. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  13. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  14. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  15. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  16. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  17. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  18. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  19. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  20. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  21. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  22. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  23. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  24. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  25. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  26. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  27. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  28. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  29. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  30. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  31. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  32. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  33. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  34. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  35. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  36. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  37. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  38. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  39. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  40. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  41. To cramp an etching, is to cramp fortissimo
  42. To cramp an etching, is to cramp {{adv})
  43. Leonard Bernstein is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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