UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  2. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  3. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  4. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  5. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  6. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  7. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  8. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  9. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  10. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  11. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  12. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  13. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  14. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  15. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  16. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  17. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  18. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  19. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  20. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  21. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  22. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  23. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  24. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  25. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  26. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  27. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  28. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  29. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  30. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  31. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  32. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  33. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  34. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  35. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  36. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  37. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  38. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  39. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  40. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  41. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice bitterly
  42. To sacrifice a hybrid engine, is to sacrifice {{adv})
  43. Bill Bennett is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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