UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

The one that Univisión did not buy out

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  2. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  3. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  4. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  5. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  6. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  7. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  8. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  9. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  10. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  11. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  12. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  13. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  14. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  15. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  16. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  17. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  18. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  19. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  20. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  21. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  22. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  23. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  24. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  25. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  26. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  27. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  28. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  29. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  30. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  31. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  32. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  33. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  34. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  35. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  36. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  37. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  38. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  39. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  40. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  41. To spit a chromosome, is to spit severely
  42. To spit a chromosome, is to spit {{adv})
  43. Mickey Mouse is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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