UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  2. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  3. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  4. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  5. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  6. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  7. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  8. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  9. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  10. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  11. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  12. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  13. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  14. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  15. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  16. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  17. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  18. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  19. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  20. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  21. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  22. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  23. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  24. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  25. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  26. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  27. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  28. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  29. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  30. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  31. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  32. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  33. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  34. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  35. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  36. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  37. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  38. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  39. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  40. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  41. To lather an anvil, is to lather unsympathetically
  42. To lather an anvil, is to lather {{adv})
  43. Michael Jackson is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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