UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  2. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  3. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  4. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  5. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  6. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  7. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  8. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  9. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  10. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  11. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  12. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  13. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  14. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  15. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  16. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  17. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  18. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  19. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  20. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  21. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  22. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  23. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  24. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  25. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  26. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  27. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  28. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  29. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  30. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  31. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  32. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  33. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  34. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  35. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  36. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  37. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  38. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  39. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  40. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  41. To fart a beach ball, is to fart neurotically
  42. To fart a beach ball, is to fart {{adv})
  43. Kermit the Frog is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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