UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  2. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  3. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  4. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  5. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  6. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  7. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  8. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  9. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  10. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  11. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  12. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  13. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  14. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  15. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  16. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  17. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  18. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  19. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  20. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  21. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  22. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  23. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  24. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  25. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  26. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  27. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  28. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  29. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  30. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  31. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  32. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  33. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  34. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  35. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  36. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  37. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  38. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  39. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  40. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  41. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate pleasantly
  42. To fornicate a broom, is to fornicate {{adv})
  43. Emperor Palpatine is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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