UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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This article is part of UnNews UnNews Logo Potato1 Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard

17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  2. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  3. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  4. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  5. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  6. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  7. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  8. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  9. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  10. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  11. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  12. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  13. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  14. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  15. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  16. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  17. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  18. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  19. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  20. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  21. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  22. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  23. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  24. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  25. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  26. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  27. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  28. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  29. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  30. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  31. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  32. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  33. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  34. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  35. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  36. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  37. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  38. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  39. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  40. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  41. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate fortissimo
  42. To excruciate an igneous protrusion, is to excruciate {{adv})
  43. Dr. Phil is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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