UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  2. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  3. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  4. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  5. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  6. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  7. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  8. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  9. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  10. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  11. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  12. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  13. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  14. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  15. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  16. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  17. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  18. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  19. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  20. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  21. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  22. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  23. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  24. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  25. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  26. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  27. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  28. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  29. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  30. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  31. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  32. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  33. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  34. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  35. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  36. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  37. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  38. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  39. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  40. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  41. To eat a skull, is to eat fretfully
  42. To eat a skull, is to eat {{adv})
  43. Sun Tzu is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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