UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  2. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  3. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  4. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  5. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  6. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  7. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  8. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  9. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  10. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  11. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  12. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  13. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  14. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  15. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  16. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  17. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  18. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  19. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  20. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  21. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  22. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  23. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  24. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  25. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  26. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  27. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  28. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  29. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  30. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  31. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  32. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  33. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  34. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  35. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  36. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  37. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  38. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  39. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  40. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  41. To remix a reindeer, is to remix fortissimo
  42. To remix a reindeer, is to remix {{adv})
  43. Michael Jackson is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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