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Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


The 43 Lost ProverbsEdit

  1. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  2. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  3. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  4. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  5. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  6. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  7. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  8. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  9. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  10. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  11. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  12. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  13. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  14. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  15. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  16. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  17. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  18. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  19. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  20. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  21. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  22. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  23. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  24. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  25. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  26. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  27. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  28. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  29. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  30. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  31. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  32. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  33. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  34. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  35. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  36. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  37. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  38. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  39. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  40. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  41. To hack a diode, is to hack not very
  42. To hack a diode, is to hack {{adv})
  43. Your Mom is a real peach.

Sources Edit

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

Notes Edit

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.