UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  2. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  3. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  4. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  5. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  6. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  7. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  8. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  9. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  10. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  11. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  12. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  13. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  14. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  15. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  16. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  17. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  18. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  19. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  20. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  21. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  22. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  23. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  24. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  25. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  26. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  27. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  28. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  29. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  30. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  31. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  32. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  33. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  34. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  35. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  36. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  37. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  38. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  39. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  40. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  41. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate incessantly
  42. To disintegrate a clock, is to disintegrate {{adv})
  43. Brian Peppers is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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