UnNews:Day of woe to World's scientists: Russian fishermen catch and eat alien
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Day of woe to World's scientists: Russian fishermen catch and eat alien
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, December 4, 2016, 16:29:UTC)(
AZOV, Russia -- Fishermen from the Rostov region of Russia recently caught a weird creature after a strong storm in the Sea of Azov. The large and out of this world looking creature was producing strange squishy sounds and something vaguely resembling burps. The fishermen deduced that they had caught a young Hutt and recorded their 220 lbs catch with the help of a Nokia 3210 cell phone camera. The footage clearly shows the creatures’ head, slobby body and long tail.
However, to the dismay of ufologists and scientists everywhere, the fishermen had decided to roast, deep fry and stick the creature in a stew. The fishermen felt like a light snack was in order, so they decided to use it in a savoury Stroganoff. One of the men who was later interviewed, Michail Andreipopovovovovich said that it was literally out of this world and the most delicious dish he had ever eaten ”Изверг вкусный. Сделайте хорошую еду. Верхняя часть водочки тарелка. Память немногая туманнейшее”. Unfortunately they all later developed diarrhoea because the alien biochemistry did not agree with the Earthlings' digestive systems.
Chairman of the Anomalous Phenomena Service, Serge Simakov, stated that the creature, which he could see on the short video, would have been worth interrogating for the location of the well known handsome rogue worth a great bounty worth the Russian state debt. However, it is natural for hard working men of Russia to be hungry, he added, thus nullifying the Western World's cries for justice in destroying mankind's first chance to gain information about warp drive technology. Smirnoff however suspected the creature could also have been a subspecies of mermaid, however without the creature's carcass, it will be impossible to conduct any definite tests on the thing. “There are many legends about fish living in the Sea of Azov. Nevertheless, specialists of the Service for Anomalous Phenomena have never confirmed those fairytales. On the other hand, we do not deny the possibility of other forms of life in the Sea of Azov,” the ufologists said today, after reviewing the remaining evidence, conveniently found from reliable sources.
A spokesman for the Rostov-based zoo, Alix Liposuchova, contacted local ichthyologists and asked their opinion about the Azov alien. “They said that the fish bears resemblance to a sturgeon on steroids. It was an extremely interesting individual, and yummy”, added one of the zoo's staff who attended the barbeque. ”I have never tasted anything like this before in my whole life, but we will do our best to get our hands on some more and found a successful chain of fast food restaurants to compete with the corrupt West's Golden Arcs” the specialist rambled.
Translated by Dim Subalcohovich