UnNews:David Beckham's career ends in pants at French fashion label
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
David Beckham's career ends in pants at French fashion label
Straight talk, from straight faces
Monday, January 23, 2017, 01:01:UTC)(
1 February 2013
PARIS, France --
London born football idol David Beckham has been signed up by the French fashion club Yves St. Laurent to sell designer underpants in a deal that might involve him kicking a ball about for photo opportunities and getting very dirty - in both senses.
At a crowded press conference huddled around a fashion runway in Paris, Beckham, 37, came on stage to strut up and down in a range of clothes designed by wife Victoria Beckham. He managed to speak a few words of French like "Parler vous Français?" and "encore" before attempting to answer the press in English.
"It's always been a dream of mine to sign for Eve, I think she is a lovely woman and I always liked her clothes when I was selling stuff off the back of my barrow in Leytonstone Street Market. Of course, my dream then was to wear Burton suits in Manchester and Armani in Italy...but now as I am moving towards my 40s, a switch would be welcome. Wearing cowboy boots and a string tie when I was in Los Angeles was getting a bit boring."
Answering questions from hard-bitten fashion journalists in black stilettos, Beckham denied he was 'slumming it until his arse drooped' and said he had never intended to move back to England and wear anything made by Marks & Spencer. In some tense exchanges that could have snapped knicker elastic, Beckham added that all the money he would be getting for this deal would help pay for expensive French lessons for deprived Parisian children.
"I have come here to pose. That's the deal. I have appeared in fashion shows all round the world but Paris is special. It's the home of haughty coiffures and clothes that can do your talking. That suits me...and it should suit you too!"
The well chiselled Englishman, who was looking a bit like the lost son Clint Eastwood never fathered whilst making movies in England, added that he was already working out for his next photo shoot. It would feature a lot of pants and see him stretch out across some giant billboard under the Eiffel Tower.
"Victoria is really excited by the move as she has always wanted to become a fashion name in France. I am excited too and I hope you will see the results when the photos are done."
Coco Leaf-Chanel, the manager of Yves St. Laurent, said Beckham was in 'superb buffed shape' and that she had already applied some baby oil to the 'best torso in Europe'. She said:
"We will let David practise his free kicks to develop his legs but I am sure David will be ready for the next round of fashion shows in the Spring. He is a great signing!"