UnNews:Danny Devito reported alive in his home.
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Danny Devito reported alive in his home.
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, October 13, 2015, 22:30:UTC)(
25 August 2009
He is 64.
Journalists are reporting that after hours of searching, they located the every man character actor, best known for playing his stoic, blunt, outlandish characters, and for his role as ”Phil” in the Disney Movie Hercules, alive and in good sorts in his home.
He has a wife, Rhea Perlman, and three kids.
He was pronounced alive at the scene at 4:01 pm, August 24th.
He continues to give his legions of fans fond memories and innumerable movies and productions for years to come.
”I can tell you at this time that we were notified by Beverly Hills Police Department detectives that Mr. Devito was located in his home laying on the bed, and he was fully responsive and animated and was pronounced alive at approximately 4:01 this afternoon,” Chief of Police David Snowden was reported as saying. “There appeared to be a number of psychological and physical ailments not affecting Devito in any way, therefore leading to him still being alive.”
Snowden concluded his conference by saying “We request that Mr. Devito’s fans and reporters continue to act in a similar nature to the way they usually do to the Devito family in these non-emotional and entirely non-sad and somber times, because he is alive with nothing wrong with him.”
No “immediate, or neccessary” autopsy is scheduled, Snowden said, because Devito is alive.
When contacted, Devito’s psyician stated “My client is in perfect health, with no concerning issues. Why are you guys here?”
When asked to elaborate, he declined further comment.
“Yes, I will admit I am a fan of Danny Devito, and have been for many years.” said South Carolina native Percey Goldstein. “I am absolutely not saddened by the fact that he is alive, and am in fact not surprised that he is alive either, because there has not appeared to be anything wrong with him in recent months. It would be a hard couple of weeks for me, and all of his fans if he was not alive…but he is, so we aren’t going to have to deal with any emotional hardship, at all. Yes, why are you asking me these questions?”
“I feel greatly relived that Danny Devito is alive”, Daria Garnder, of Grand Rapids Michigan, told reporters. “You know, it really puts my life back in order. I’m just wondering how his family is doing. It’s really all about the kids.”
Other fans reacted in different ways.
“I woke up, and was completely shocked to hear that Danny Devito was alive today.” explained floored fan Deb Appleton ”It was the last thing I was expecting to hear. I am desperate to know how Rhea’s doing.”
Devito is currently part of the cast of the FX series ”It’s always sunny in Phildelphia”, playing Frank Reynolds, and is attatched to “Rush Hour Four”, which is in post production, amongst other endeavors. These projects are scheduled to continue as usual, because Devito is alive.
Danny Devito’s estate is still currently under his name because he is still alive.
No funeral or public viewing is scheduled, either, because he is alive.