UnNews:Daniel Craig Karate-Chops a Pirated DVD Peddler after receiving pirated Casino Royale DVD in China
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||We distort, you deride|
9 February 2007
The new blonde Bond Daniel Craig stunned Chuck Norris, during his trip to Beijing for the Chinese premiere of Casino Royale, karate chopped a pirated DVD peddler who tried to sell him a pirated copy of the movie.
Craig revealed that while in the Chinese capital, he had decided to go out for a stroll wearing a disguise so that no one would recognise him.
However, he got a little more than he bargained for when a bootleg DVD seller offered him a pirated copy of Casino Royale for just a dollar and a half. Craig then paused, looked at him with contempt, and gave him a quick chop to the windpipe. The peddler soon died.
"Someone tried to sell me a copy last night. I was wearing a hat and glasses so they didn't recognise me," Contactmusic quoted him as saying.
The experience, the British actor insists, left him “saddened”, for it not only detracts from the thrill of watching a movie on the big screen, but also because the whole movie is spoilt by the bad print. However, he soon regained his strength by eating the peddler's body like one hard-assed cannibal!
"It saddens me. Going to the cinema is a great experience. You're missing out by watching a bad copy of a DVD. As far as I'm concerned, cinema is a collective experience and you get 50 per cent more by going to the cinema. Still, his flesh tastes good." he added.
Casino Royale become the first 007 movie to be granted a release in the Maoist country – 45 years after the first movie of the suave British super agent hit theatre screens in the rest of the world.
The first Bond movie, as well as the next 19 that followed, were repeatedly rejected by Chinese censors due to scenes of international espionage that gave Mao Zedong Tourette's, as well as 007's fondness for the boobies.