UnNews:Danes cleared of selling 'Terror T-shirts'
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Danes cleared of selling 'Terror T-shirts'
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, March 16, 2018, 13:08:UTC)(
13 December 2007
Aarhus, Denmark - Seven Danes who sold T-shirts with offensive logos have been acquitted of supporting terrorist groups. The latest 2008-09 Danish national football strip supplied by kit-makers Adidas had come under fire for bearing a Danish emblem which has apparently insulted muslims across the world.
Last year, cartoons depicting the prophet Mohammed in a Danish newspaper sparked diplomatic sanctions and death threats in some Arab nations, despite media watchdogs defending publication of the images in the name of press freedom. Since then, several Muslim states have deemed anything representing Denmark as offensive and claim the use of the Danish emblems is purely to threat and intimidate the Arab nations for political purposes.
The red football strip has also been blasted over it’s colour. Some reports claimed that other Muslims have taken offence to this as in modern times, red symbolizes the Ashrafs of the Hijaz and the Hashemites, descendants of the Prophet. One street protester told us “This is blasphemy. Non-muslims cannot wear red. Look at the English. They have a white and red flag but they play football in white and blue. Same story with the Germans, there's red in their flag but they play in black and white. The Danish just don’t seem to understand anything. Burn down Copenhagen!!! [to noise of machine gun fire]”
Evidence had been collected by Danish police who had been forced to raid a family run sports outlet in the town of Græsted-Gilleleje that sold the 2006-07 strips last year. With the aid of their sniffer dog Mohammed, they seized the entire stock of T-shirts and computers while also shutting down the store and its website. However, Judge Argus Østergaard simply threw out the order by simply telling the Arabs to “get a f**king life”.
Colombian Foreign Minister Carolina Barco who also fancied getting in on the action (sooking up in fear of having their opium fields burnt by future terrorists) and told Østergaard that "Financing terrorist groups (anything Danish) is unacceptable and goes against all the international norms," to which Østergaard simply pointed and laughed. It is believed that Østergaard’s swift response has not gone down too well in the Middle East.
Rumour also has it that the Danish FA (the DBU) sees the destruction of Israel as integral to its struggle to remove Western influence from the Middle East. The DBU's president Allan Hansen (as opposed to Alan Hansen, the Scottish TV pundit) said: "Israel's not even part of Europe so why have they been competing in the European Group Stages all these years? They should get lost and play your Iraq's, Saudi Arabia's and other inferior nations like that. Remember the last time a country got kicked out? (referring to Yugoslavia). We only got into the Euro championships through the back door... and won it!"
It is thought that Israel may have taken this the wrong way. An inquest continues.