UnNews:Dalai Llama appeals for calm in George Bush slur row

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.

18 July 2008

Local band Scintillating Appalachian Oysters, currently held in protective custody.

Eugene, Oregon. Local semi-popular rockers Scintillating Appalachian Oysters have been taken in to protective customer as a result of their singing a song that critical of the Bush administration. The Dalai Llama, taking a break from campaigning to return for freedom for Tibet, flew in to Oregon to petition for the release of the band.

"We must show tolerance. These are just young boys who don't realise how wrong it is to question their divinely appointed rulers."

Radio stations all around the country who had neither heard of the band nor played any of their music promised to continue not playing their music. President Bush is yet to issue a statement, however Condoleeza Rice frowned when asked to comment. After persistent questioning, the press conference was placed under martial law, the reporters subsequently taken in to protective custody.

Bill Donohue of the Catholic League condemned the "lax and liberal approach shown in dealing with these domestic terrorists". He went on to demand that all non-religious music should be banned. The Pope quickly distanced himself from these remarks saying "Seriously, he's got nothing to do with us! He's just a franchisee. If you have any issues please raise them with him!"

Mr Llama will embark on a tour of the southern states where calls for a lynchin' have been particularly common. The State Department has so thus refused to disclose the location of the band or explain why they are being held? In a brief statement given to Reuters, a spokesman said "We haven't tortured them, and you can't prove anything until you find the bodies in a shallow grave in Turkey."

Sources

• Ylawi Conjunction "Scintillating Appalachian Oysters pulled from air after bashing Bush". CNN, July 16, 2008