UnNews:Dakota Fanning sacrificed in new film
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Dakota Fanning sacrificed in new film
Where man always bites dog
Wednesday, May 24, 2017, 00:40:UTC)(
18 January 2007
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
Problems playing this file? You might be a dope.
HOLLYWOOD, CA - In her next movie, the snuff film entitled Moloch’s Daughter, 12-year-old Dakota Fanning will be sacrificed by her mother, Joy, while the young star’s agent, Cindy Osbrink, and a representative of California’s Child Protective Service observe to ensure that the child star doesn’t suffer undue pain or trauma. The movie is seen as a possible posthumous Oscar vehicle for the precocious actress.
Alan Colmes, of Fox News' Hannity and Colmes, defended the sacrifice as "the ultimate act of parental love." He shocked his co-host when he told Sean Hannity that he'd "be pleased" to have his preteen daughter raped on film if it was done in a "tasteful manner."
“At first, we didn’t know how we were going to top Dakota’s being raped in Hounddog,” the controversial movie in which the pint-size performer is sexually assaulted by her co-stars, child rapists Robin Wright Penn, David Morse, and Piper Laurie. “Then, we thought, let’s off the bitch! If killing Dakota doesn’t earn her an Oscar, nothing will.”
“Dakota was amazing in Hounddog,” Osbrink praised her preteen meal ticket. “I watched the dailies, and, in every scene, her sexual skills got better and better.”
“She was a trooper,” her mother agreed. “When I plunged that foot-long knife into her heart, she didn’t even flinch, and when I twisted the blade, her blood poured out as if she’d been born to play the part of a victim of the most callous and brutal type of child sacrifice. Her little heart even continued to beat for a few seconds after I ripped it from her chest!”
The screenwriter, Deborah Kempmeier, who also wrote Hounddog, says, “The movie calls for her body to be burned inside an oven, which is perfect, because Joy has decided to have Dakota cremated, and we can film the mortician as he places her corpse into the crematorium’s furnace. Maybe we can even get some footage of her flesh bubbling!”
Hounddog also included scenes of animal abuse, but with the actual sacrifice of Moloch’s Daughter’s leading lady, “We didn’t think it is necessary to cripple a dog or eviscerate a cat. We can always do that in another film.”
“The slaughter of Dakota puts her in the company of Brooke Shields and Jodie Foster,” Osbink said, “who played child prostitutes during their own preteen years. She’s a sure thing for an Oscar. Of course, Joy will have to accept on her late daughter’s behalf, but, as we say in Hollywood, ‘That’s show business!’”
- Lotta Lies "Dead teens tell no tales, but one may win an Oscar". Instant News, 18 seconds ago