UnNews:DUMB-asses censored for no apparent reason
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DUMB-asses censored for no apparent reason
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, May 28, 2016, 06:09:UTC)(
11 September 2006
OUTER, Space -- NASA is coming under fire once again after accusations by a local conspirators conspired that yet again, NASA faked a shuttle lift-off. Although vague, the conspirators are suggesting that space shuttle Atlantis, and other shuttles before it have never gone beyond the Earth's atmosphere, and that mankind has never been to space (this conspiracy seems to be in par with the Moon landing conspiracy).
The accusations come from DUMB (Dedicated Underachievers Making-up Bullshit), a group which firmly believes that the Earth is flat and that there is a conspiracy surrounding 9/11. The group is mostly comprised of college students, a majority of them sporting outdated tie-dye shirts and smoking homemade cigarettes.
In rebuttal, NASA has released several authentic photographs and has used Wikipedia to disprove all of these conspiracies, once again making Wikipedia the preferred tool of Communism: a biased web-based encyclopedia, whose primary objective is to ultimately misinforming and demoralizing Americans and insulting their ability to think for themselves and allowing others to easily persuade their opinions with "factual information". Let it also be known that censorship is no longer funny for articles.
This wasn't the first time DUMB gained public attention. Back in May of 1995, they made several public statements regarding the Oklahoma City bombing, including the following:
|“||Well, it's evident that this building was destroyed as a direct result of pessimism in today's society for no apparent reason. Yeah, you see, it's called spiritual Carmex. And when everybody is all negative and mean and you get arrested for smoking a harmless herb that comes right out of the ground-o for no apparent reason, then there's like this channel or current of negative energy for no apparent reason, and it flows right into Oklahoma City for no apparent reason. And there was so much, that it all formed this mass of like, evil miasma or something, and it hit this building for no apparent reason. Let's all use this as a sign from a greater power to change the world for no apparent reason!||”|
In recent months, DUMB has gained support from PETA and CRAP (Citizens Raging Against Phones). United States President George W. Bush added DUMB to the Axis of Evil immediately following this alliance and gas prices raised to $0.07.