UnNews:DNC decides to sit Florida's and Michigan's delegates
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
DNC decides to sit Florida's and Michigan's delegates
Where man always bites dog
Wednesday, November 25, 2015, 15:12:UTC)(
30 May 2008
Back room of the DNC's headquarters - Today, the DNC unexpectedly announced it will seat the delegates from Florida and Michigan. DNC chairman Howard Dean said they will use the latest Gall-Up Polls to decide how many delegates each candidate will get from the state of Florida. Hillary is currently expected to 77% of Florida's delegates, Obama is expected to only get 23%. He also will not get any of Michigan's delegates because, according to the DNC, "He wasn't on the ballot and doesn't deserve those people's votes." This means Mrs. Clinton will receive all of Michigan's 157 delegates.
The DNC has also decided to strip the states of Iowa, New Hampshire, Nevada, and South Carolina for moving their primaries and caucuses up. Dean said, "These states violated party rules by moving up their primaries and caucuses up from February to January. Not only that, but, for far too long these small and usually unimportant states have had too great of an impact on deciding the party's candidate by holding the earliest primaries and caucuses. Fuck them! It's their fault I wasn't the Democratic candidate in 2004!!!"
This puts Hillary Clinton at more than 150 pledged delegates ahead of Obama and more than 3.5 million votes ahead in the popular vote.
Obama responded to the DNC's decision by saying:
| You're fucking kidding me... Y'all have decided to put a woman ahead of me? Who cares if she'd do better in the goddamn general election against McCain than I would, or that she has the experience needed to clean-up after a fucking idiot whose last name is Bush that this country allowed to become President?!? Does she have the support of a horde of racist and sexist preachers?!?!? NO!!! Is she half-black?!? NO!!! DOES SHE GET UP AND JUST SAY THE WORD CHANGE OVER AND OVER WHILE QUOTING JFK, RFK, MLK, OR LINCOLN INSTEAD OF ACTUALLY WRITING AN ORIGINAL FUCKING SPEECH!?!?!?!? WELL!!!! WHO THE FUCK ARE Y'ALL TO MAKE HER THE GODDAMN CANDIDATE!?!?!?! THAT BITCH SHOULD HAVE DROPPED OUT MONTHS AGO, BUT NO!!!!! SHE JUST FELT THE FUCKING GODDAMN NEED TO STAY IN!!!!!! |
- Bill Schneider "DNC makes crucial decision ahead Saturday's Rules and Bylaws Committee meeting". CNN, May 30, 2008