UnNews:Crystalline entity finds no hitch in domination of puny Earth
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Crystalline entity finds no hitch in domination of puny Earth
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, September 29, 2016, 18:44:UTC)(
9 June 2011
- This article is about an alien intelligence, known as IPv6, for the Internet Protocol Version 6, see IPv6
Dulles, Virginia -- A collosal alien intelligence, known as Crystalline Entity and first identified as IPv6 by SETI observer Joe DeFoster, visited Earth on IPv6 day, which was supposed to be a dry run for the new internet addressing scheme. The organizers of the event thought it would be "cute" to invite the Crystalline Entity, IPv6, as a celebrity grand marshal of sorts for the day's festivities. Unfortunately, instead of performing its role as the event's emcee, the entity proceeded to consume 4.3 billion souls on the day of the June 8 test run.
"When we proposed IPv6 day, we thought, 'hey it's a no-brainer that IPv6 should meet IPv6.' It would show up, thrill us with some shiny lights and be gone. We really did not expect such a consumption of souls. This really has turned out to be a bad idea," says Tim Berners-Lee, inventor of the World Wide Web. "Seriously, we had 4.3 billion bagels with cream cheese set out, 4.3 billion juice boxes, and the blasted entity consumes souls. - SOULS!" he continued.
When the day was done, however, IPv6 vowed to return and become omnipresent, at which time, the Full tilt boogie confrontation is expected to consume 340 Reallyreallybigillian (340 x 1036) souls as it powers up to full speed.
The United States Air force has re-opened its bluebook program, but has changed the color to green, in support of trees, while China has stated "take the girls, take the girls" to no real effect. Harold Camping is quoted as saying "Missed it by that much," referring to his rapture theory.
“We're doomed ”
When the Crystalline entity returns to our corner of the galaxy, all life as we know it will be obliterated. As the internets switches over to IP ver 6, we can expect a return visit from the Crystalline Entity, which will devour 340 reallyreallybigillian souls; animal, vegetable and mineral. It is suggested that all citizens should get their ducks in a row, their roe in some birds and their soma in order.
- Fahmida Y. Rashid "World IPv6 Day Starts Around the Globe Without a Hitch". eWeek, June 08, 2011
- Random Trekkie Wiki Editor "Crystalline Entity (Star Trek alien)". Memory Alpha, June 09, 2011