UnNews:Cows not required to GTFO
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Cows not required to GTFO
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, December 1, 2015, 19:34:UTC)(
29 August 2008
SAN MATEO, CALIFORNIA (UNN) -- During late-night negotiations at an undisclosed location, the Secret Internet Cabal ruled in a 6-3 vote that cows are constantly displaying their 'boobs' and are therefore not required to GTFO.
Writing for the majority, Rob Malda, Bovine Ecologist issued an unpublished and highly confidential memo:
- Precedent has consistently held that teats are a legitimate form of boobies. We rule that boobies are measured by the number of boobies, not by their shape, color, dexterity, etc., on which those boobies are applied. Thus in theory, a one-boobied cow with three nipples on that boobie would not be required to leave the premises. Logically then, a cow which possesses eight conjoined boobies qualifies as having eight boobies. Cows would not be required to GTFO unless they take measures to conceal these boobies, such as duct tame or tube top. Cows however, do not take measures to conceal their boobies, therefore cows do not have to GTFO. Q.E.D.
It should be noted that this majority opinion was not without controversy. In a blistering dissent, Drew "Yun Taragoashi" Schenk responded:
- WTF??! why the living heck am I sitting here talking about whether cows are required to GTFO? Cows never got the in in the first place! There are no Nazi cows on the internet. Sr. Taco should be spending our time on more wortwhile endeavors like whether to ban Sonic80 for bringing the entire subject up in the first place, god damn. Also, the whole point of tits or GTFO is that I want to see tits. Do I want to see teats? Heck no! If some big-teated cow PMs me I'll just be like "GTFO n00b." I don't care whether that's official policy or not. Taco can suck my teats!
For now, however, despite attempts by the majority, cows are not required to GTFO. If you encounter a cow, do not insist that it GTFO.