UnNews:Country of Peru seceding from the Earth
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Country of Peru seceding from the Earth
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, February 23, 2017, 09:29:UTC)(
24 October 2006
"There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating a shoe. He woke with a fright, in the middle of the night to see that his dream had come true!"
Upon hearing this, Chuck Norris furiously shouted crude and racial jokes to the entire country of Peru. Fearing for it's own safety, Peru has decided it would be best for both sides of the dispute if Peru should just secede from the Earth.
In a recent interview, Chuck Norris qouted "Who the fuck does Peru think he is? You can't just go around making little jingles like that and think nobody is going to say anything. In all honesty, I'm just saying what everyone in the world is thinking. We've taken enough of Peru's shit, it's time we did something about it.
This is not the first time a geopraphic locale has seceded from Earth as a result of Norris' behavior; Atlantis sunk itself to the bottom of the mediterranean sea shortly after Norris called their Gods "Incest-loving cockmongerers", and the famed garden of Eden ceased to exist entirely after Norris allegedly let several crates of rabid moles inside with the intent of destroying the garden from within. Norris was quoted saying "Kick me out of Eden, will ya? I got news for you: NO ONE SNUBS THE NORRIS."
We interviewed a few other countries about this matter and this is what they had to say:
“Yo realmente no quiero lo que pasa. Perú ha sido una región muy importante y y simplemente no sería el mismo sin. ¿Dónde es más usted gonna obtiene a trabajadores latinos? Seguro, usted puede mexicanos, pero usted actaully tiene que pagar por ellos. ¡Peruians que usted acaba de capturar!”
“Duhhh, me China! Me take over da world! Go, China!”
“AHHH MOTHER LAND!”
Peru is now rumored to be orbiting somewhere around Saturn.