UnNews:Controversy over A.1. steak sauce; "Is it really that important?"
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Controversy over A.1. steak sauce; "Is it really that important?"
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, September 1, 2016, 02:02:UTC)(
26 July 2006
Renowned steak eater and non-Uncyclopedian Roy Steinweiser recently uttered the words no one who has seen the commercials for A.1. brand steak sauce believed could be said. Words that sent innocent bystanders in tremors and chills.
To quote Mr. Steinweiser: "You know, A.1. steak sauce really isn't that important."
Mr. Steinweiser then proceeded to eat his steak with nothing but salt and pepper. Latest reports say his condition is critical, and he is in a state of delerium. Mr. Steinweiser has repeatedly insisted that absolutely nothing is wrong with him, and is refusing medical treatment.
"I just ate a goddamn steak, what's the big deal?"
This tragedy has hit Mr. Steinweiser's family and friends the hardest, particularly those present at the BBQ where the comment was uttered. When Uncyclopedian reporters arrived on the scene, the guests were all huddled around the television set.
"We've been waiting for nearly an hour for an A.1. commercial to show up so we can be reminded that 'Yeah, it's that important'" explained Joann Steinweiser, Roy's cousin.
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Local Wikipedians have recently come out of the woodwork, claiming that Roy Steinweiser has the right to eat his steak however he damn well pleases, with or without A.1., under the Fair Use of Steak Clause.
Encyclopedia Dramatica declined to comment, except to say "no comment"