UnNews:Controversy brews over Trollan face-concealment
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Controversy brews over Trollan face-concealment
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, December 7, 2016, 12:35:UTC)(
23 October 2006
(Eternos City, Eternia)- The question of how Trollans dress has become a hugely contentious issue in Eternos. Last week, King Randor raised serious questions as to whether it was prudent to have a masked Trollan man so close to sensitive locations and members of the Royal Family, citing that "With the face hidden, how are we supposed to know whether it's the good Orko, or the evil Gorpo? I appreciate Orko's culture and beliefs, but you'd have to be slower than Ram Man not to see that this represents a huge security problem; potentially even worse than that time Smudge nearly got us all blown up and actually was responsible for the destruction of a brand new hydroelectric power plant. We're still paying for that thing, and it's DOA. I hate being king sometimes."
The King was widely criticized by many of the Masters, with the consensus being that this attack on Orko's unique cultural identity was a thinly veiled attempt to deflect attention from the King's utter failure to bring the Skeletor problem under control. "Randor can't deal with the real issue, Skeletor and his legion of evil, so he attacks poor little Orko" commented an unnamed source. "Typical Randor."
The source than shape shifted into a falcon and flew away.
Naturally, getting Orko's side of the story was important, but unfortunately, it was impossible to talk to Orko about the face concealment issue, as he wouldn't listen to the questions, and kept going on about some sort of "Neato fire spell" which apparently was "almost perfect, honest!!"
After being nearly set on fire three times during the interview, it was decided that it would be safer to discuss this matter with someone else. Unfortunately, the only quote available at press time was "Fool! Can't you see I'm busy preparing my mighty army of rat men for victory over that ninny He-Man and his pathetic friends?"