UnNews:Conservative member quits Nova Scotia legislature in wake of spending scandal
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Conservative member quits Nova Scotia legislature in wake of spending scandal
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, March 17, 2018, 15:20:UTC)(
12 February 2010
HALIFAX, Nova Scotia -- Nova Scotia's spending allowence scandal has claimed its first political causualty. Veteren Conservative MLA Dick Hurlburt who admitted spending over $12,000 on hookers and cocaine has resigned from his position.
Hurlburt initially defended his purchases, saying he would share the cocaine with his constituents and would allow geeky virgins in the community to use the hooker to obtain sexual experience. He later apologized and says he has reimbursed the taxpayers. Conservative Leader Karen Casey accepted Hurlburt's resignation and says it is best for the party that he step down.
It wasn't just Conservative MLAs who were caught up in the scandal. Members of all three political parties have been caught with their hands in the cookie jar including Premier Darrell Dexter (A New Democrat). Dexter was also flagged by the auditor general for $5,000 spent on liquor and lapdances at a local Halifax strip club. This is in addition to the over $2,000 he has spent on internet porn. Dexter has since apologized for his misuse of taxpayer dollars. He made a statement to UnNews saying he has paid back the money to the taxpayers and has entered rehab for sexual addiction.
Former Premier Rodney MacDonald has spent over $3,000 on liqour and phone sex and has billed it to the taxpayers. Like Dexter, MacDonald has also entered treatment for alcoholism and sex addiction. Most of the province's MLAs have been caught up in the scandal somehow, while Dexter, MacDonald and Hurlburt were the worst offenders, nearly every MLA has incurred some inappropriate expenes. This includes Glace Bay Liberal MLA, Dave Wilson. Wilson spent over $400 on patio furniture but still defends the purchase stating he will invite his constituents over for a barbecue when the summer comes.
Nova Scotians are outraged by the scandal. They are not upset that politicians are out having a good time drinking, doing drugs, and having sex with hookers. What upsets them is that it is the politicians that are out having a good time on their dollar. Halifax resident Jim Lahey says "If my money is going towards liqour then it better be me who's getting drunk". Another resident, Ricky, added "Yeah I don't want to spend my money getting these suit-dummies drunk and stoned. I mean they are already f#ck!ing rich, they should be paying me to get drunk and high". Political analysts believe that this scandal will hurt all three political parties and will result in fewer people going to the polls in the next election. It is also the second scandal to rock Dexter's new government. The first involved helicopter rides and lapdances charged to the taxpayers when Dexter tried to entice several prominent businessmen to come to the province. Dexter has a difficult task ahead of him if he hopes to diffuse the scandal and win reelection in three years time. He does have one thing going for him though, the opposition are unable to throw this scandal in his face because many of them snorted lines and tag-teamed hookers with the Premier.
- Keith Doucette "Conservative member quits Nova Scotia legislature in wake of spending scandal". The Canadian Press, February 10th, 2010