UnNews:Congressman who heckled Obama promises to show restraint at State of the Union address

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27 January 2010

Speedy Elephant

"Well-behaved politicians are like fart-jet driven, beanie wearing elephants; exceedingly rare." Samuel Clemens

COLUMBIA, South Carolina -- South Carolina Republican Congressman Joe Wilson, infamous for his outburst during a speech to Congress by President Obama, has promised to restrain himself during the upcoming State of the Union address to be held later today.

"I cannot promise to be a critical thinker. I cannot promise to be rational. But I can promise to keep my mouth shut for at least three hours, thanks to my new prescription," said a heavily-medicated Wilson to no one in particular while he shaved his chest in the shower with that new three-in-one body wash/shampoo/shave cream.

Sources at the Representatives doctors offices have uncovered a disturbing history of strange behavior, starting with his commission to Second Lieutenant in the Army. Among the medical notes is the statement, "... he is prone to an inflated sense of self importance, an air of bluster, and a distinct lack of competence at most anything. He may not be suitable for promotion in the Army, but certainly would make an excellent politician." Ironically, Wilson achieved the rank of Colonel before retiring from active duty.

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