UnNews:Congressional Secret Committee yet again refuses to release report on activity
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Congressional Secret Committee yet again refuses to release report on activity
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, October 22, 2016, 09:12:UTC)(
24 January 2009
When Franklin Roosevelt first signed the bill requesting the creation of the Committee, US law required the Committee to have a deadline to submit a yearly report on the activities it had conducted. However, a loophole in the law allowed Bankman and others to submit a report simply reading, "It's a secret," in 1937 when the first deadline occurred. Says Virginia Senator and Committee member Jim Webb, "We can't tell you what we do. That's for us to know and you not to find out." Webb then made a waving motion after pressing his hand to his nose, accompanied by a "nyahh" sound.
Speculation has been almost ceaseless since the founding of the Committee. "It's really paradoxical," says Congressional historian Matthew Allnutt. "The whole point of Congressional Committees is to investigate certain issues and then tell the greater body of Congress their findings. But the whole point of this particular Committee seems to be to not tell Congress, or anyone else, what they do. It's crazy, man."
One of the few glimpses of the Committee's activity came in 1997, when a reporter was mistaken for Florida Representative Cliff Stearns and allowed into a swearing in of a new member of the Committee. The journalist noted that the ceremony involved a secret handshake, multiple pinky promises, and invitations to a sleepover.
The Committee has often been criticized for its "No Girls" stance on membership.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|