UnNews:Congressional Secret Committee yet again refuses to release report on activity

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24 January 2009

Washington, DC In an unsurprising turn of events, the Congressional Secret Committee has, for 77th year of its existence, refused to release a report of their dealings in the past year.
250px-RooseveltSSAsigning

Franklin Delano Roosevelt signs the law creating the committee, after being promised he could sit in on one of the meetings, but only after promising to keep it a super-secret.

The Committee, which was founded in 1936, founded by Speaker of the House William B. Bankhead, 7 congressmen, and 3 senators, has remained something of a mystery to Congressional scholars. The very foundations of the Committee have remained unknown to the general public since the Committee's inception; the Committee appears to meet biannually in a closed session of Congress.

When Franklin Roosevelt first signed the bill requesting the creation of the Committee, US law required the Committee to have a deadline to submit a yearly report on the activities it had conducted. However, a loophole in the law allowed Bankman and others to submit a report simply reading, "It's a secret," in 1937 when the first deadline occurred. Says Virginia Senator and Committee member Jim Webb, "We can't tell you what we do. That's for us to know and you not to find out." Webb then made a waving motion after pressing his hand to his nose, accompanied by a "nyahh" sound.

Speculation has been almost ceaseless since the founding of the Committee. "It's really paradoxical," says Congressional historian Matthew Allnutt. "The whole point of Congressional Committees is to investigate certain issues and then tell the greater body of Congress their findings. But the whole point of this particular Committee seems to be to not tell Congress, or anyone else, what they do. It's crazy, man."

One of the few glimpses of the Committee's activity came in 1997, when a reporter was mistaken for Florida Representative Cliff Stearns and allowed into a swearing in of a new member of the Committee. The journalist noted that the ceremony involved a secret handshake, multiple pinky promises, and invitations to a sleepover.

The Committee has often been criticized for its "No Girls" stance on membership.


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