UnNews:Congress to try $70B money bomb on terror
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
29 September 2006
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
WASHINGTON DC -- The Senate unanimously approved of dropping $70 billion more on top of terrorists in Iraq and Afghanistan Friday, with the goal of literally burying them in piles of money, and rendering them unable to fight.
Approval by a comfortable margin came despite intense partisan divisions over the course of the Iraq war, which is costing about $8 billion a month. If the terrorists continue to fight, another huge pile of money will be dumped on them next spring.
At the White House, President Bush said he would sign the bill and thanked Congress "for passing legislation that will impede our enemy's ability to function, protect our country and win the war on terror."
The House-Senate compromise bill provides a pile of $378 billion, mostly in small bills, for core bombing activities. That's a 5 percent increase over last year, though slightly less than President Bush asked for. The $70 billion bomb load for Iraq and Afghanistan is forerunner of a money bombing campaign the White House has estimated will eventually consist of over $110 billion for the budget year beginning October 1.
Congress has now dropped over $507 billion on Iraq, Afghanistan and on building money barracades around overseas military bases since the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks, according to the Congressional Research Service. The U.S. has thusfar dropped over $379 billion on Iraq and $97 billion on various entities in Afghanistan.
The Iraq war continues to be unpopular with voters, according to opinion polls, but even pussy Democratic opponents of the war voted for the Pentagon measure, to protect themselves from criticism during the next elections.
"America is in deep trouble in Iraq," said Edward Kennedy, D-Mass. "The continuing violence and death is ominous.... Militias are growing in strength and continue to operate outside the law. Death squads are rampant. But we're confident that dropping tons of money on the problem will eventually lead to a solution."