UnNews:Congress hot for Plame
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Congress hot for Plame
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, August 20, 2017, 23:33:UTC)(
21 March 2007
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WASHINGTON, District of Columbia -- Things are really heating up at the congressional hearings on the Valerie Plame affair with congressmen fighting over who gets to question the smokin' hottie. Yesterday's session ended early as Congressman 'Butt' Cramer of Alabama and 'Lynda' Westmoreland of Georgia came to near blows and heated words over who got to ask Ms. Plame on whether the comely spy had sex with informants or the enemy to gain information.
Congressman Cramer was still livid when reached for comment by UnNews, "That cock blocking, son of a succubus, bat shit eating, mother fucking asshole! I claimed dibs, and I know that fucking Georgia dip shit heard me. He knows I've pining away the days just begging for a chance to drill that foxy secret agent. Plame was mine. Damn him!"
Westmoreland tried to blow off the incident, "Butt and I go back years. Sure, he's a little sore now, but he'll calm down in a couple of days. I'll sit his ass down and we'll talk it out and before you know it, he and I will be hugging cheek to cheek."
A congressional page, who wished to remain nameless, had this to say to UnNews, "It's nice to see the old boys take interest in not only a woman, but one who is relatively close to them in age. I saw Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi cuddle up to a pregnant woman last week in her office, not to have kinky preggers sex, but to hit on the zygote growing in the woman's belly. These guys and broads are twisted bastards. Fuck this place, I'm going back to the porn industry. At least there I can refuse to do anal."
UnNews failed in getting Valerie Plame's phone number...er... I mean comment.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|