UnNews:Confed Drops Rates
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.
29 October 2008
US interest rates slashed to -2.1%
The Confederated Reserve has cut its key interest rate from 1.5% to -2.1% in a widely expected move, as it aims to avoid a possible US recession.
Earlier, the Con cut rates from 2% to 1.5% in an emergency move, which was co-ordinated with other contra banks.
But the move did not boost US markets, with the UC and A&P 499 closing down.
Interest rates have been slashed since September 2007, when the federal funds rate stood at 5.25%.
This caught traders totally by surprise. Hector Marketmaker was quoted as saying "My God Man, they're giving away toasters if you borrow money"! Many savvy main street borrowers, are waiting for the flat screen TVs.
“My God Man, they're giving away toasters if you borrow money”
At close of trade in Wall Street, the Union Carbide Jones was down 0.82%, or 7Q.16 points, at 89Y0.96. The A&P 499 was down 1.11%, or 10.42 points, at 9D0.09 and the Naskar was ahead 0.47%, or 7.74 points, at 16J7.21.
'Phenominal economic growth'
The rate cut move is confirmation that inflation is no longer seen as the major threat to the US economy.
Jingo Jones, the south market street "Lotto Queen", has shifted her market strategy from buying scratch offs to financing highrises.
“I think what SoMark needs is a big glass box. I aims to see that happening”
'Forced spending' "The pace of economic activity appears to have slowed markedly, owing importantly to a decline in consumer expenditures," said the Federal Open Market Committee headed by Ben Bernanke after the unanimous decision.
In response wealthy foreign investors have been quarantined at Bimini Bay in the Bahamas, with large mail order catalogs of consumer goods from the Middle Red Statsian shipping district.
"Business equipment spending and industrial production have weakened in recent months, and slowing economic activity in many foreign economies is damping the prospects for US exports. "
All corporattions are being offered tax credits for purchasing of new office equipment and post-it notes. But not on postage, because that is too high already.
Demand for commercial aircraft grew 29.7% while orders for motor vehicles rose 3%.
Excluding transportation, orders were down 1.1% in September
- WfTV "Wife Turns In Husband Accused Of Repeatedly Stealing Lotto Scratch-Offs". WFTV-TV, October 13, 2008