UnNews:Concerns in Israel over new weapon introduced by the Hezbollah
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Concerns in Israel over new weapon introduced by the Hezbollah
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, August 1, 2015, 13:37:UTC)(
19 July 2006
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Jerusalem,The Zionist Entity -- Tension mounts as the Hezbollah, desperate to contain the ongoing Israeli onslaught threatens for the first time to use one of the most fearsome weapons in it's arsenal - the Surface-to-Humus Missile.
This horrendous weapon not only tracks Humus plates, a popular dish throughout the Zionist Entity, as its primary target but also carries a high-yield-low-grade humus warhead which immediately sprays a blob of humus within a 20 meter radius.
The devastating effects of the hummus warhead include:
- Stomach ache
- Extreme explosive diarrhea
- Brain Hemorrhaging
- Constant Constipation
The Israeli Prime Minister, Ehud Olmert reacted with shock and awe, heretofore experienced only by those mean Arabic people. "These are very worrying news," said Olmert. "This kind of weapon can cause a nationwide constipation disaster. We cannot have that! They (Hezbollah) are trying our patience and again and again. I hereby vow to use any means necessary to protect the citizens of Israel including our Vin Diesel look-alike commando squads. I implore the Lebanese government to heed my warning, or we will retaliate in kind."
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