UnNews:Communists buy Microsoft
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Communists buy Microsoft
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, September 30, 2016, 05:01:UTC)(
27 March 2007
SOVIET RUSSIA - It's been reported today that Lenin, Rasputin's Penis and another communist have stolen money from a stupid fucker and used it to buy a lackluster company named Microsoft, also called Microhard in a alternate universe. Bill Gates, the retarded owner of Microsoft, said this in a press release:
- "Can you help me with my homework, Steve Jobs?"
The communists just shot the dude, since he says mindless crap (wait, he is mindless crap!). They stole the dead guy's money, and made crappy software such as Windows. They lost so much money because of Windows. George Dubya Bush says "What the hell where those fuckin' communists thinking?!!".
Lenin was quoted as saying:
- "In Soviet Russia, Windows crashes you!"
The Communist party put Linus Torvalds in charge of the new Microsoft. Linus was quoted as saying:
- "Windows is a piece of shit, I am replacing it with Linux."
Many Windows customers appear to be upset that Linux won't run their games or software like Windows does. Rasputin's Penis was quoted as saying:
- "Dah, Comrades, Linux only supports communist open source software, and won't run that greedy capitalist pig software."
Since the hostile takeover by the Communists, Microsoft stock fell to 50 cents a share. Causing another great depression in the USA, which allowed the Communists to take over the US market and buy out such companies as Wal-Mart, McDonalds Burger King, IBM, and Apple.
The Communists had enough money and resources now to bring Karl Marx Joseph Stalin, and the rest of Rasputin back from the dead. Fidel Castro was given a new heart as he made his original heart black as coal which caused him some health problems.