UnNews:Coke Storm Blankets Northeast
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|This article is part of UnNews||Straight talk, from straight faces|
27 February 2008
The region has already been hit by several major storms this winter season, but they were unprepared for this one. Ohio Department of Transportation (ODOT) spokesperson, Keith Swearingen, said he planned to do everything possible to keep things moving. “We didn’t know it was coming, but we won’t let it beat us”, he assured.
True to his word, sources reported that hundreds of tortured artists, Hollywood starlets, and young stockbrokers on the edge had been called in to help with the cleanup. “They have a proven track record in these cases”, one source said. “If anyone knows how to blow snow, it’s these guys”.
Most of Michael Anders’ neighbors were shoveling the mounds into thin lines then vacuuming them up individually. Many of them stopped and lay back from the exhaustion of what we perceived to be the heaviness of the labor. While we were on the scene, several junkies were seen to be uncharacteristically friendly and engaging, often gleefully taking over the laborious work.
“That’s what snow does”, observed one curious resident. “It brings people together”.
The storm is expected to continue off and on through Saturday.