UnNews:Clooney "devastated" over death of partner
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Clooney "devastated" over death of partner
We distort, you deride
Tuesday, June 27, 2017, 03:52:UTC)(
6 December 2006
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
Problems playing this file? You might be a dope.
Hollywood star George Clooney told a press gathering earlier today that he was “devastated” over the loss of his long-time partner, Max the Pig. Max has been “a constant companion” for the film star over the past five years, sharing his home and often his bed.
“I don’t know what I’ll do without him - he’s been such a big part of my life.” a teary-eyed Clooney told our reporter. “He was always so supportive of my acting career. He was a pig, but never squealed on me.”
When questioned as to whether he would be replacing the pet, Clooney reportedly grew furious, claiming that the pig was “irreplaceable” and adding “How could you? He’s not even cold yet!” The reporter in question has subsequently been sacked from his job.
Sources have suggested similarities with last year’s breakup between Clooney and another of his ‘pets’ - a term Clooney dislikes - in which press reported Clooney’s bulldog, Bud, storming out of their shared Hollywood home after a failed night of romance. The scandal continued until the erstwhile couple announced their divorce some weeks later.
The tabloid newspaper Wikinews, among others, has brought forward suggestions that Max's death may have been due to a disagreement over Clooney's 'rebound' relationship with the pig, and some have even suggested that porcine prostitution may be an issue. Clooney, however, denies this vehemently and is considering a lawsuit.
The star has denied any allegations of romantic involvement with the animal, although investigations are continuing.