UnNews:Clinton spotted outside cave, in public
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Clinton spotted outside cave, in public
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, January 23, 2017, 23:38:UTC)(
28 June 2010
WASHINGTON D.C., United States of America -- Former President Bill Clinton was discovered hiding in the stands of the Royal Bafokeng Stadium in Rustenburg, South Africa amidst the crowds of screaming Ghana fans on June 26th. This faux pas has angered the United States government, for it is not the first time that President Clinton has violated the widely accepted Presidential Precedent of not showing up in public following their retirement from President of the United States.
Clinton was spotted in footage of the United States - Ghana soccer game in the 2010 World Cup, standing next to what appears to be the rotting, AIDS-infested corpse of Rolling Stones frontman, Mick Jagger. The clip was assumed to have been used to attract English soccer fans into watching a non-English game.
Clinton faces intense criticism, and will have to answer for his blatant anti-American actions upon his return to the United States. This is not Clinton's first infringement of the Out of the Public Eye precedent, set forth by George Washington's Farewell Address where he specifically stated that former presidents will "...stay the fuck out of the public eye." with the one, Nostradamus-like exception of "...that one black president on 24..."
Current governor of Arkansas, Mike Beebe (D-AR) expressed his distaste in the former Arkansas governor by stating "He was the President! When his job is done the government pays for his nice little cave in central New York, a cave, which by the way is air conditioned. With a Presidential television, and a combination mini bar-reclining chair, why would he even consider leaving it?"
Some may recall the last time Clinton spat in the face of George Washington by sneaking out of the cave and hopping a flight to North Korea, where he met with Supreme Leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-Il, and after several friendly lunch-dates, returned to America with 2 reporters, who initially broke the story of his escape from the States.
President Barack Obama has taken a stand in the issue of Clinton's disobedience, stating that, in an attempt to "...create more jobs..." the former President will have four armed guards on duty 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at every exit to Clinton's presidential cave, "...until the former president has bitten the dust." Furthermore, former President Clinton's internet activity will now be monitored by the government, and his shopping will be carried out by his wife, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.