Clerical error results in accidental "Truth Surge"
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, May 4, 2016, 20:04:UTC)(
7 May 2007
Washington, DC -- In clarification of a previous statement, the White House announced today that the President's intention had been to call for additional troops and not, as the original document stated, "a 20% increase in truth levels over the next 30 days".
In spite of the mix up, sources close to the President insist that he will stand by the original wording. "Once the President decides on a course, he sticks to it," said White House spokesperson, Tony Snow, "It's not a question of what we should do, or what we meant to do. His plan is to simply keep doing what we're doing, until it eventually works."
Some analysts believe that the 20% truth surge could bring White House truth levels up from the infinitesimally small amounts that are normally seen to levels that may even be statistically significant. If so, it would be the first measurable quantities of Executive-level truth in the last six years.
"You can rest assured that this plan will be implemented very carefully," Snow added, addressing concerns that the White House may not be able to function under such difficult conditions, "It's not like we're going to do anything crazy, like admit that the war in Iraq was started under false pretenses, or anything like that." He then laughed nervously and cleared his throat.
The first press release issued under the new system met its truth quota by correctly declaring today's date and the names of several generals.