UnNews:Cincinnati gorilla stymies police
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Cincinnati gorilla stymies police
We distort, you deride
Friday, August 18, 2017, 20:26:UTC)(
29 May 2016
A young child crawled past a barrier at the Cincinnati Zoo and entered the gorilla cage. After the boy fell into the moat, the gorilla, Harambe, 17, plucked him out, dragged him around, and violently threw him. Two other gorillas in the enclosure were told to go to their rooms, but Harambe protested that that was his room. Firefighters were in the vicinity but, as the incident did not involve open flame, they could do no more than telephone for police, who would know how to handle the situation.
Mere minutes later, their fears were realized. The gorilla was on the List of Endangered Species. Dumb-as-doorknobs toddlers, not-so-much. More calls were placed, and the fateful order was received: "Drop him."
Zoo Director Thane Maynard said the police took great personal risks. "They made a tough choice and they made the right choice," said the Thane. "It could have been very bad." Indeed, if a stray shot had hit the gorilla, there could have been hell to pay in this race-obsessed city.
- Emily Shapiro "3-Year-Old Picked Up by Gorilla at Cincinnati Zoo Escapes Without Serious Injury". ABC News, May 28, 2016
- Digital Staff "Gorilla shot dead after 4-year-old boy gets into enclosure at Cincinnati Zoo". WLWT, May 28, 2016
- Dan Sewell "Vigil for Harambe planned at Cincinnati Zoo". Washington Times, May 30, 2016